i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
