She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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