How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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