We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
