is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize