Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
