I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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