Where is the hickey?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
