So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
