I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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