I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
