so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
