he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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