i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
