I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
