and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
