I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
