Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
