I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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