Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
