Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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