I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
