My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
