I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Randomize
