I wish I could teleport
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
