did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
