Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize