he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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