a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
