This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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