my vag is so smooth its legendary
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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