just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize