he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
