why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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