that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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