i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
