barbara walters just said penis...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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