i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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