Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
