Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
