Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
