Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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