I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
