Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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