Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Randomize
