Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
