My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
