He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
