Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
