Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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