Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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