May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
