she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
