I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
