Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
