Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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