So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
