I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
