am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
