It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
