Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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