I think I won the penis lottery.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
