Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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