STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I die, sorry about rent.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
