life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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