I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
