I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize