Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
