If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
