I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
