At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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