so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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