I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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