I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
