Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have already put on my inside pants.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
